A Monthly Inspirational Viewpoint of Life’s Journeys with Sonia Wignall.
Episode Thirty Six
A 2-Part Series
I recently watched a powerful and inspiring movie called “MAID”. The movie, like so many other great “Netflix” series, was masterful in its delivery. It was based on the childhood, emotional abuse, trauma, awareness, resilience, healing and breakthrough of the main character, a young mother named Alex.
What made the movie so powerful was the relationship and interaction between Alex, and the intimate people in her life. The realism of each character, and the individual dimensions of their life patterns and story was riveting.
The revealed patterns and consequent behaviors of all the characters, gave evidence and understanding to the toxicity in each of their stories. There was a constant underlying subconscious process at play. It showed the development of the toxic patterns and the generational impact.
Watching this movie, and others like it, shines a clear and glaring light on the impact and long term consequences of our own learned and practice patterns. All manners of toxicity from addictions life of crime, manipulations, emotional, physical and or sexual abuse has patterns and predictable cycles.
Sometimes, we are so entrenched in the grind, pain and survival patterns of the abusive life that we cannot see, or accept that there is a better way, a way out. We cannot see that the courage to change paths is within us.
Similarly, healthy relationships, success and wealth, also have patterns of internal process and outward behaviors that manifest positive and empowering results.
Patterns in our lives are either taught and modeled to us as children, or generationally inflicted upon us by the choices others close to us make. Toxic patterns often produce abusive results. It is a dangerous cycle affecting both the abuser and the victim(s) for generations.
Having the self-awareness to stop, mid-behavior and evaluate our patterns, and internal systems, will allow us to create new patterns and boundaries. This simple act of awareness is the beginning of change.
Alex’s desire was to move herself and her daughter away from the cycles of toxicity, abuse and trauma. This intentional change took courage. It also took her through a process of self-reflection, moments of absolute poverty, truths and the pain of facing her family’s past and her future. The unfortunate painful part was as she journeyed forward, she went back to her family, many times out of desperate needs including temporary housing and childcare support. She however did not stay there.
Exceptionally written and presented, there were no hold backs in the movie. Even her abusive estranged partner, and emotionally raw and unstable mother, in their few moments of balance and sobriety, (which neither was able to sustain), were able to accept small measures of responsibility and articulate their need for change and healing. This movie reminded me of my own life patterns, that of my family, friends and how we can all easily fall back into toxic patterns of behavior as we attempt to move forward.
Our toxic patterns can play out in marriage, intimate relationships, friendships, and even at work. Abuse can be identified in all areas of our lives and it can and will affect all those closest to you.
Alex’s journey out of abuse was difficult, but she was committed to change. At first she was not even able to fully articulate or identify the type of abuse she was patterned in. It was not a position of denial that many abuse victims use for survival. She simply did not understand, although experiencing it, the symptoms, toxicity and power of “emotional abuse”.
Since our life patterns are cyclical, we can easily evaluate where we are now. If we are intentional and self-aware, we can reflect and see how we got here, or more importantly whose behavior we are modeling. For Alex, that took time. Reprogramming our mind for a “Pattern Shift” will also take time, but we must make the time. We cannot stay where we are in a dangerous cycle of toxicity. This is not and will never be God’s plan for our lives. We must be brave enough to move forward.
Like the study of the weather, recognizing the patterns, cycles and consequences we can predict the eventual outcome. Unlike the pattern of the storms however that cannot be stopped, God has strategically given us wisdom and free agency to disrupt the flow and change paths. The question is will we stay in the toxic patterns or make the critical and intentional decision to break out of ingrained habits and behaviors.
(Series continues, part 2 – August, 2025)
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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Jeremiah 29:11
“Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped. Mistakes happen. Don’t dwell on the Failure – Focus on what caused it. Learn and move forward.” (Ghanaian Proverb)
Sonia M. Wignall
Sonia M. Wignall is Co-Founder & Board Chair, Diaspora Global Foundation. www.leanintostem.org. She is also a Cultural and Lifestyle Writer. Her articles and monthly column “Perspective” can be found on Diaspora Digital News.
***Note: “I do not give permission for my writings to be used for AI purposes or content, unless my name is shown and the reference to my work is clear. My work is not AI written”. SMW