A Monthly Inspirational Viewpoint of Life’s Journeys with Sonia Wignall.
Episode Forty One
If an award was being given to “Frugal and Generous” people, I humbly want my name to be on the list of potential awardees. I would feel no shame to humbly ask my friends and family to nominate me. Frugal yet generous is who I am at the core of my being. My friends know that. My family, with the exception of my son, is not really paying attention to my being, much less my core. But I will frugally jolly on.
I must admit however, if they are in the mood, and find me favorable during the moment that I am asking, some of my family members may nominate me if I ask them nicely. However I would not wait or count on their nomination nor their vote. I will just remain frugally happy either way.
Many of the negotiating skills I have my dad modeled for me. My dad was one of the most skilled shoe makers, from the shores of Cuba. He was masterful. He made and repaired custom shoes, belts, bags, etc. He was also very good at repairing, customizing and covering leather chairs, leather jackets and coats. Working with “real leather” was his thing.
My dad honed his skills through 70 plus years of experience in the leather industry. He was also an excellent wholesale buyer, retail seller, and negotiator. He only sold the best quality products.
He would often go down to the shoe and other wholesale warehouses in NY, and get new, and also damaged shoes, sandals, bags and boots. He would negotiate for the lowest price possible. Returning to his shop he would repair the damaged finds and make them look new again. He then sold them for full retail price. Even though he sought the full retail price for his buys and labor, he was a man known for his extraordinary generosity to his community, friends and family.
He gave away countless pairs of shoes, etc to adults, and children in need. He had a passion to make custom shoes or make the necessary adjustments for young children whose feet or gait required custom shoes especially if the family could not afford to buy the type of shoes needed. It was a joy for him to serve in this way. He would just see the need and fulfill it.
Although I pride myself in being an excellent ‘market – sourcer’, negotiator and buyer, I try to remain conscious of creating a “win – win”. If you are a good and seasoned negotiator, you can easily cross the line and become a good and seasoned manipulator, extracting what you want and not honoring the other person’s labor, life, time or livelihood.
Last Christmas I was looking for a tall full beautiful used Christmas tree. I found a few and began price negotiation. I told the store employee that my budget was $20.
I asked which of their Christmas trees were within that price range, (if it was more, I was prepared to negotiate it down to $20, or keep looking elsewhere). The gentleman pointed to two trees and a box with a tree inside. I went for the box, and asked him to open it so I could see how full the tree was. I can be relentless at times, when I have a specific buy price in mind.
I refused to buy a stingy looking tree even at my price point. I wanted a beautiful tree and knew I could find a beautiful used one for $20.
To our surprise, in the box was a brand new big and full tree. We had a “buy price” problem. I was in love with the tree and did not back off of my budgeted price. I continued to insist on the quoted price, till the store manager let me have it.
After all, I was in a “Thrift Shop”, the tree, was donated.
Once in the car with the $20 tree, which had a retail value of $279, my heart felt heavy and the guilt became overwhelming. I had no peace.
I consulted a friend who recommended I go back to the store and make a cash donation. I went further. I donated to the store another tree that I had bought the week before, but did not want to keep, and also made a monetary donation. Then, I felt better.
The pre-lit tree looks beautiful in my home and nearly touches the ceiling. Exactly what I wanted. But it came with a price and a lesson. If I was not mindful enough of the “spirit of manipulation” in all of us.
I am, at minimum, now keenly aware of that spirit within me. I am also very aware of the gift of negotiation God has given me and the responsibility I have to steward it well, and use it with love and wisdom.
The ability to negotiate well is truly a gift. A practiced art. Many people leave valuable resources on the table. They are either afraid or embarrassed to ask for what they want or need. They feel powerless to advocate for themselves. Often, they see the other person or team as being more powerful than they are, so they just accept what is being offered.
Negotiating and buying well is an art form that I love. My home, like Martha Steward’s home, is filled with incredible buys. Like my late dad, I have an eye for good quality things. I look for art, furniture, accessories, books, clothing, textures, colors, designer brands, antiques and very good classical timely pieces. I stay away from flimsy fads, and the latest trends.
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“Like any gift we have, it can be used to serve, help, or attain. Our gifts can also be used to self-glorify, or to over power and hurt others. There are moral moments in all negotiations. That high bar of consciousness must always be our guide. What we unjustly take from others cannot be sustained. It will eventually be taken from us.”
- Sonia M. Wignall
When we view negotiations through the “lenses of war”, we are negotiating with a formidable opponent. Strategy and winning is the objective.
- Art of War (Strategies for winning)
Respect for the other side: “All negotiations… require a proper respect for the people across from you whose opinions differ from yours. You can’t be arrogant,” In peace negotiations “
- Jimmy Carter (A proponent of peace)
Sonia M. Wignall
Sonia M. Wignall is Co-Founder//Board Chair, Diaspora Global Foundation. A STEM Education organization. www.leanintostem.org . She is also a Cultural and Lifestyle Writer. Her articles and monthly column “Perspective”, can be found on Diaspora Digital News.
Note: “My work is not AI written or assisted”. SMW.